SBPL Resurrection; May 2010

Hello SBPL nation, we meet again, it seems likes ages ago I sat down at my desktop computer and started “blogging” about a group of under-agers who felt that getting drunk on weekends and playing beer pong casually wasn’t enough to grasp our true love affair with the great game of beer pong. So what did we do? We organized a league, from there we made a website, started tournaments, handed out awards, created a rankings system, made trophies, became journalists, hell, we even had our own TV show. Were we called immature? Yes. Did people laugh at the thought of a beer pong league? Yes. Most importantly did most think the league was over and was just a mere under-age drinking phase we all had grown out of? Yes. Well to the haters I have one word; Resurrection! October 14, 2006 may seem like it was decades ago but it’s very easy for each and every dedicated SBPL’er to remember the night we ran for our lives in fear of law enforcement ending a league we cherished, some got away, some were 200 dollars poorer, one found out what handcuffs felt like for the first time. Either way we all went to bed that night dreaming of a day the SBPL could be played in peace, dreaming of the day each member of our prestigious league could play worry free of cops and K-9’s. Well my friends; that day is May 22nd, 2010. The field is the largest and most competitive field the SBPL has ever seen. 32 legal-aged individuals square off for bragging rights to league’s highest honor; the right to be called “The Champs.”
Without further ado I’d like to get to reason the Truyman Doctrine was established; and that is making bold tournament predictions and throwing the first punch at each team. Agree or disagree with the Doctrine, it always seems to officially kick off the anticipation and smack talk that goes with every tournament. Let’s begin with Pool A; highlighted by the return of the SBPL’s favorite duo of the mid 20th century and that is Buzzy (formerly known as Eric) Mullen and the amazing Brilldo himself, honestly, I cant wait to play this team and I am willing guarantee they win at least one game, which means I am already predicting an upset. Speaking of Young Guns, we have another SBPL vet Mike Mullen and partner Scott Smet, as good as each of these two can be, I for see a lot of beer drinking and not a lot of wins, and I’m sure they’ll be perfectly fine with that. I don’t know a whole lot about Reed’s game or his mystery partner but I will say this; his partner was going to Bacon and in his last appearance he took a quick nap on the shitter and forfeited his tourney hopes, so Reed can’t do much worse than that. This brings us the host himself; Claude. As much as I’d love to see him and his mystery partner (who will most likely be someone better at pong than him) win 4 or 5 games, I can’t see it happening, however Claude has been in a lot of tournaments and is yet to disappoint or not be involved in the LOL section of the post tournament summary. This brings me to the most talented team in the tournament; this is the dream team of drinking-related sporting events; the SBPL pro and the rookie, yours truly and Melendez. Now I’ve been writing these predictions for years now and giving each and everyone of you Hemingway esque beer pong literature. Granted I’ve never picked my team to win it all, but I can say that I know how to toot a horn, and like all good journalists when given the chance to speak my peace, I let everyone know that I think I’m better than you. Unfortunately I’ve been in 9 official tournaments and have never been crowned champ, therefore I officially claim the title “The Chicago Cubs of the SBPL” and if you know me personally, you know I HATE the Cubs. So with nothing lose and everything to prove, I am predicting an average showing that leaves the dream team out of the top 3 in Pool A.
As for the bottom feeders of Pool B; I start with Greg V and Noell, I don’t really care how many tournaments these two have been in, I looked up Female on Wikipedia and found out women aren’t good at anything that involves competing with men. So not only can I count this team out of the top 3, I actually have credentials to do it. Zeh and the newcomer/neighbor Justin Leisgang may be able to bench press Pool B, but last I checked that doesn’t factor into putting a pong ball into a cup filled with beer. The next team has an interesting tie into the SBPL, Younger and Steve N. haven’t been in a whole lot of SBPL action but they were part of the fore fathering game that begin the emergence of the SBPL. I made up some words in the last sentence, either way I give them 2-3 wins. Well, If I’m the Chicago Cubs than this team may be the city of Cleveland, it seems every year there is a buzz about the potential of this team and experience needed to win it all, yet this team has absolutely nothing to show for it, Jayke and Justin seem to always be a good game away from winning it all, will this year be their year? Who knows…but if you ask me I’d have to say…Not Today. The next team is very hard to chose, every instinct of mine knows that Tuzy is gay, and homosexuals haven’t flourished in any type of sport involving skill (another Wikipedia credential) but overall I don’t think Gary (Ryan) and Jammin’ Jamie Goffard can consistently win enough games to make the top 3, however I look real forward to getting Gary hammer drunk.
And than there were 6; at this point each team has sucked down 6 games of beer, and is just drunk enough to think their gonna win it all and maybe even call that girl from school that they’ve been stalking on Facebook. Nevertheless, I do think Volkman and Bridges are going to make a strong run in pool play and probably clutch up in a tiebreaker to make the playoffs, unfortunately their ride ends here. Both players are perfectly capable of getting hot and hitting shots, I just don’t see them as a top 4 team. The next team out, is the team with the farthest to fall; the defending champs: Wize and Wags. Although they showed a great amount of dominance on their home court and have a team name that rolls off the tongue smoother than Starsky and Hutch, I truly believe the Seymour atmosphere will weird them out just enough for them to not only be eliminated first round but also wake up the next morning hoping their trip to the Hustle Inn was just a bad dream.
Now for the Freeballin’ Four and my favorite part; the part where I get to officially eliminate Tuzy, now there’s not much to say about the play of Kev, it seems like no matter who his partner is, he always seems to compete at the SBPL’s highest level. But just like you’ll never see a black woman win a Daytona 500, you will never see a man wearing a flat-brimmed rainbow hat win a SBPL tournament, and unfortunately for Tuzy he is a black woman driving the Mr.Pibb number 69 machine and he’s about to get lapped by the Man Card he lost oh so long ago. Without a doubt beer pong is about more than just talent and luck, there is large amount of mental game involved and Adam Zahn; you do not have it. Just hearing the name Skraba can force Zahny into a whirlwind of frustration, and now the fact that she’s putting another freckle faced human into this world might just be too much for this dynamic team to handle. On a positive note, this team is just as talented as any team in here, Zahny is a very good shot and Joe, in my opinion is the most dangerous with 1 cup left, especially if he’s craving a cigarette.
Now for my final two; Dan and Tolley have been stroking this circuit long before the emergence of Facebook. If these two had their own Facebook site, we would all have no choice but demand a “dislike” button below their name, cause were sick of watching them win. Doesn’t seem to matter how many cups each player makes each game, because when 1 begins to slow down the other seems to catch fire. I seem to always pick them to win it all, but with Dan’s recent risky surgery to remove his penis, I can’t picture a SBPL headline that reads “Man with 2 dicks and Man without 1; are declared victorious!” That leaves me with the only remaining team, Buman and Beans. Beans is the only player in the tourney who has taken his game outside of US soil, although I can say first hand I have heard if you can survive a European Whore House, you can survive anything, the SBPL included. I also see the new fire rule affecting the outcome of the tourney. Now that it’s been added to SBPL official rules and I honestly believe that this is the most consistent and hottest shooting team in the tournament, its only fair to proclaim this team the champs. Like every sport there’s always a breeze of Karma in the air and watching the league’s appointed President; Malty Steven Buman win this tournament, it would truly symbolize the resurrection of the SBPL.