October 11, 2006

First and foremost it is very exciting to hear the SBPL is expanding and things are getting bigger and better. With the recent expansion I have been hired by the commissioner himself to inform the SBPL enthusiasts about what is happening. You can turn your TV on Saturday nights and hear Scott Venci make bold predication, talk about useless interviews, vent about pointless high school teams and their rivalry with Slab City. So my only question was why doesn't the SBPL have "that guy". Well you should be proud to hear that I Eric Truyman can be "that guy." I will be writing frequent columns on what is happening in the world of SBPL.
Before I begin my highly anticipated breakdowns and predictions concerning the upcoming Keystone Kickoff Klassic, I think I'll do my best impression of Jim Rome. Lets get some things straight, yes there are girls in the SBPL, and yes they have the same rights as the males, but to all the girls that waste my perfect 20/20 vision because I get to stare at a message board infested with talk of female dominance in the SBPL, I would like to inform you all that no one cares or ever will care. I'd love to look all of you straight in eyes and hit you with a manual buzzer but again that would be a tremendous waste of my time. Not saying you won't win a game because we all know luck plays a big element in the game of Beer Pong, in fact I wouldn't even be surprised if I or another top 5 team was beaten by females, but the truth of the matter is one win will never amount to SBPL dominance nor will it ever lead to the first ever women Champions. Another thing I cant seem to absorb into my vacant brain is a woman in the player spotlight. All though she was humiliated and used for nothing more than a prop, either way this only brings shame to usually serious Player Spotlight, not. All I'm saying is we have athletes like Gregg Holz who has 2 second place finishes and more SBPL wins than the entire Female teams have games played. Id mention some other notable players like Shaun Brill or the Captain himself but then I'd have nothing to talk about in my Nancy Award breakdown. Now that I feel a lot better and have this Leiterman sized wad of cum off my chest I can get to the good stuff.
Ah....... yes the Keystone Kickoff Klassic, the first ever recorded tournament in league history. The hype for this tournament has reached its maximum potential and opening kickoff is right around the corner leaving people wondering why they had their SBPL fantasy draft so early. Nonetheless lets get down to business. The team that won this tournament last year, Bumand and Leiterman, and nonchalantly took all but one(2nd place) tournament last year is looking to be the clear favorite. Current champs Zahny and Kyle wont be in action, and the only other team to hold the belts for a substantial amount of time, Genke and Truyman, will also not be a team. So your probably saying these Buman and Leiterman will undisputably be wearing gold at the end of the night right? WRONG!! Just kidding you were right the first time. All though they may run into an upset on their familiar trail to the championship these two SBPL future Hall O' Famers are still my pick to win.
As for the rest of the field, my number two pick lacks chemistry but has an unlimited amount of potential to beat anyone, anywhere, anytime. Genke and the Doctor himself Strokefson will make teams look ridiculous and degraded to the point they will ponder why they even entered this tournament. My third team I am very familiar with mainly because I am half of the team. Gregg and Truyman have lost some team unity but still present a very good team. They are statistically the only team that has proven to beat the dynamic duo of Buman and Joe considerable amounts of time, handing them their only loss in last years KKK and taking 2nd place in the only two tournaments they entered. Not to mention a 3-0 night against the two in regular league play.
My next picks may come as a surprise to most, but without doubt there is a strong foundation behind my bold picks. The obvious favorite for the fourth team to make the playoffs is the combo that handed Joe and Buman one of their rare tournament losses, Jayke and Justin. However this is the same team that lost to Brill and Mullen not very long ago. Here's the shocker, they will advance to the playoffs but depending on their pool they will either tie with or win in a tiebreaker to the highly underrated newbie team of Steve-O and Claude. Yes, unfortunately Claude's dreams will all run dry but this team will clearly make noise in their SBPL debut. Claude has proven to be dominant at times and his partner Steve-O is playing for the first time since he was a forefather for the establishment of SBPL and is a very good shot I might add. As for my 6 through 8 picks, the three teams of Brill and Mullen, AJ and Berto and Zahny and Bridges, I'v used a magical picking method I call which team won't fuck themselves over the most. So for my number 6 pick I have the reigning champ Adam Zahn, his sharpshooting ability and consistency has him a top go getter for 1st team all tourny but with too many question marks surrounding this new team they will not pull out an over par performance. My number seven team goes to Young Gun Eric Mullen and his Mulching partner Shaun Brill. These two have very good ability and awesome team chemistry but because of their drunken antics and extreme amount of fun, the long ball will hurt them tremendously in the long run. My last team has a player that will be in bed for weeks because his back will be unbelievably sore from carrying his 250 pound Arab partner. But....AJ will look at making all tourny team and maybe even the honor of sharpshooter. It is hard to give a decent rank to a team with a Puerto Rican that averages negative cups when he plays but anytime your playing with sharpshooter you have a legit chance to be beat anyone and this is why their rank doesn't do them much justice.
As for my number 9 selection there isn't much more to say besides the fact that Mike King and Gabe Vega are two Injuns with some talent but no experience or SBPL. Their natural ability to sink a ball into a cylinder will by default place these two at number 9. Number 10, it feels good to know we have an all male team that may actually be statistically worse than a female team but this team has one thing the other two teams do not, testies, I hope. And that team is Ryan and Jamie, two rookies who have sub par Triple A expereince. As for the women im going to flip a coin, I flipped it, the two Katies won And Noell and Michelle assume last place in my power rnakings. That's all there is to say about these two teams. Both have experience, they both have been on the SBPL circuit as long or longer as the other teams but still lack that almighty thing us males like to refer to as success. I was just starting to get warmed up but I think I'll leave this column at where it stands.
Here in the SBPL were always looking ahead, right now we are in the works of establishing a solid idea for the next tournament. The current idea were working on is a world cup of beer pong theme. Instead of representing your country you'll be representing your Beer. For example Team Keystone Light, you will only be able to drink Keystone light no one else can and you can feel free to deck yourself out in Keystone gear and wave Keystone flags. Let me hear what your thoughts are and if you have any other ideas. Oh I almost forgot, if you have an issue with what I write or disagree with something I said it would probably be in your best interest to SUCK IT. Welp See Ya Later